Its only Tuesday and my week is off to (what feels like) a terrible start. I constantly try to remind myself & those around me that regardless of what we're going through, someone has it worse than we do. Even though its only been little things - like forgetting my salad dressing at home, a bad experience with a customer at work - I'm kind of sick of making myself (and others) feel like their feelings aren't validated just because someone else in the world "has it worse". Screw you world, I've got my cranky pants on today & they're freaking COMFORTABLE.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I have been struggling with my weight for a long while now. I have always been "big" by fault entirely of my own. Once I was old enough to decide whether or not I ate breakfast, lunch & dinner - I just didn't do it. I would skip breakfast, skip lunch and have dinner late at night or, I'd hit up McDonalds for lunch with some friends and not eat again until the next day. Obviously, we all know how bad McDonald's is for us, but what some people don't know (what i didn't know back then) was how terribly bad not eating is for you. Believe it or not, eating McDonalds 3 times throughout the day has been proven to be "better" (and I use this term lightly) than not eating at all, or eating one meal per day. As long as your body has food to burn at intervals throughout the day, your metabolism will be working more effectively (read that properly, I didn't say WELL, I said more effective) than if you're eating one meal per day, in which case you are "starving" and your bod wants to do whatever it can to keep itself fed "just in case" so it stores every little molecule of fat that it possibly can.
This is how I got to be 368lbs. Yes, 368lbs was my heaviest weight that I recorded.
I think I had a mini-revelation once I got our wedding photos back in early 2010. Not that I was in denial about being overweight before that, just that I hadn't quite understood how "bad" it was. I looked big in all the right places, in every single picture. I was always covering myself up, standing awkwardly hoping to get a decent picture where I didn't look like a cow, positioning myself so my double chin wasn't so defined. I looked uncomfortable, and it broke my heart because I couldn't even focus on all of the love & fun that was captured in our pictures, all I could see was fat Allisha.
From there I decided it was time to do something about it. I started eating breakfast, lunch and dinner. I kept my carbs under 50g/day, I tracked my calories using My Fitness Pal and I started working out at GoodLife with a friend. I lost 50lbs doing this before my dad was admitted to the hospital in August 2010, where I dropped another 35lbs between the end of that month & beginning of October when he had passed away. Not the healthiest way to do it, but I didn't have much control over my body or my mind during those few months.
Weighing in at 283lbs, I am 15lbs away from having lost my first 100lbs. Though I should be so proud of myself, I've been struggling the last few months. I've hit a major plateau and I need to get back on track, and I am hoping that starting this new blog will help me.
I've been hesitant to do this, but I will do it anyway. No matter how far I have to go, I have also come a long way and I should be proud. One day, I will be proud.
^ @ 368lbs
^ @ 283lbs
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